He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
