ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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