we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My vagina is officially offended.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
