I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
