When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I don't think brook has ever known best
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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