you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
