I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
