Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
