u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I am in a vortex of obligation.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
