I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
