M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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