marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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