I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
