I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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