Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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