And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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