i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
