Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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