quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
