Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
