Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
