Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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