the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
