No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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