Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.

Fav 1 1985 943
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(651): View more from Minnesota

Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet

Fav 6 1022 1413
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.

Fav 20 3014 1381
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(519): View more from Ontario

Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.

Fav 52 1173 4607
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(865): View more from Tennessee

Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?

Fav 24 6216 1972
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(530): View more from California

I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.

Fav 16 2655 1246
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(402): View more from Nebraska

I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.

Fav 6 2839 758
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(315): View more from New York

we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7

Fav 4 604 339
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(442): View more from California

I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass

Fav 0 62 5
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