At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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