Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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