he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
