I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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