Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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