I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Randomize
