would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
