Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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