We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
