yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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