She is in my trunk
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
