And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
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I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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