So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The Olympian is in my bed
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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