Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
