All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm like, not good at living.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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