You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
