508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
