So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She even gives head with a lisp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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