I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
