Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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