In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
