You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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