And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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