I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
