Just cropdusted the office
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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