I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I want to be your penis for a week.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
