my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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