It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
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You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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