He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
