i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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