why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
