Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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