its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
