I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
