just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
