Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
