you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
