Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
