pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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