Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
