Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
