I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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