i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
