Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
