just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sorry about my life...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
